characters: Michelle, Jack
theme: placed between Season2 and 3, after Jack’s undercover mission
word count: 782
disclaimer: nothing belongs to me, no money made..
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It had been one kiss, one single, hot, mind-blowing kiss, changing everything, her life, her conviction, her faith.
She had been kissed before, had been loved with careful tenderness as well as with nearly painful violence. But nothing had ever felt like this, like the demanding fire blazing deep in her guts, growing instantly, throwing flames through her blood, pulsating in her veins while his lips had moved against hers.
One stolen moment, far away from the others, hidden behind the shelfs filled with heavy records, dusty documents, stored in the small basement chamber, where they had met accidentally.
Drawn by invisible threads, meant to be together, to get lost in the touch, to part in fear, when they had recognized their sin.
She loved her husband as he did, too. Tony was his friend, his partner, one of the few people he relied on completely.
And now, they both had betrayed him willingly, betrayed him in the worst way she could imagine.
Her eyes moved over the screens, arranged methodically in a row, over the clean setting up, the almost sterile appearance of the office, and she felt even more guilty with what they had done. He might never know, never know how much this kiss had shaken her insides, how desperately she craved for more, how intense she felt his rough lips on hers each time she closed her eyes. Michelle couldn ‘ t forget the gaze he had thrown to her before, his ice- blue eyes shining in the faint light streaming through the small window, leaving most of their surroundings in the shadows. His gaze had burnt directly into her heart, ripped it up until it started to bleed, to open and release all the forbidden desire she had hidden for her whole life. For this moment she had given up her self-control, made herself vulnerable, showed her weakness to one man.
Maybe it had happened, because he had been vulnerable, too, because of all the terrors he had endured in Mexico, because they hadn ‘ t been successful, despite everything, he had sacrificed for that mission.
Two lonely souls had connected in passion for nothing more than a few seconds, lips melt against each other, tongues explored the other one ‘ s most delicate secrets, bodies pressed in sudden, unexpected need.
And she couldn ‘ t forget, couldn ‘ t convince herself, that she wasn ‘ t lonely, that she never had been. She had Tony, the man, who adored her, worshipped her, who would give up everything just to be with her. But it wasn ‘ t enough, it never had been and it never would be, she knew it in her aching heart. The guilt made her nervous, she winced in fear, when he approached her, cursed herself, when his dark look seemed to explore her mind mercilessly.
It hadn ‘ t been more than a simple kiss, nothing, but a quick taste from the forbidden fruit, nothing she hadn ‘ t done before. And she knew that Tony would understand, he would forgive her, he wouldn ‘ t be able to stop loving her, as long as... as long as there would be nothing more.
Nothing more than her unfulfilled longing, nothing more than the tingling in her guts, when she saw him walking through the office, when his blond hair glistened in the sunlight. When he pulled on his flak jacket, barking orders to his men, leading them to another life-threatening encounter, when his look wandered around, rested maybe for an instant too long on her, when he talked to Tony, concentrated, serious, fighting the inner restlessness, burying the desparation inside, then she knew, that she loved him, that she had ever done, that she would ever do.
She would take her longing with her in her grave, because it couldn ‘ t happen, never.
He was trapped, bound in his own fate, as well as she was in hers, without a chance to escape. Jack had died inside long time ago, had given up, condemned himself to an existence without any hope. And now she was dying too, each day a little more, each day watching him fade away. She died, while she watched him vanishing, while he crossed the lines, gave up his resistance, welcomed nothingness, knowing, that she would never have him, never belong to him, never feel his arms around her again.
She closed her eyes, unable to suppress the growing desperation shaking her violently.
He might never know, she would fight this battle on her own, stay strong for both of them, stay strong until the effort would break her, until the shattered pieces of her soul would tumble down the abyss, where his own already was waiting patiently.